Some guy friends of mine are feminine. They wear make-up, have limp wrists, talk to me in the feminine form, and can be fabulously flamboyant.
Some girl friends of mine are masculine. They don’t shave, they wear baggy pants, have short hair, and can be impressively strong.
Every single time I run into one of these friends when I’m with someone straight, I hear the same exact thing: “Thank God you’re not like them!”
That comment frustrates me beyond belief. It highlights the homophobia that even the most gay-friendly people around me have. It says, we’re fine with you being gay, as long as you’re not too gay.
I was having a chat with a good friend last week. He’s about to get married to his boyfriend, and this has sparked some thoughts about gay assimilation, and our need to be as heterosexual as possible, to fit in to a world that will only accept us if we are like them.
But we’re not.
And I’m not comfortable pretending that we are. That’s dangerous. For me, for my feminine friends, for my masculine friends, for anyone that’s different.
Instead of embracing difference, we try to change people to be more like everybody else.
Screw that.
That’s not acceptance. That’s bullshit. And that’s boring.
To me, it’s the people that are clearly different that are the heroes. They’re the ones that create a space for us gays to exist. Without them, we would all be in the closet. They push the boundaries, refuse to assimilate. They scream, from the rooftops, that they refuse to blend in, to follow rules, to cave in to societal pressures.
They are the ones who make the fight worth it, because their everyday life is the fight!
They are the ones getting insulted, getting made fun of, getting beaten up, getting raped, getting abused, getting kicked out, getting stared at, getting teased, getting hurt, getting abandoned.
They are the faggots, the dykes, the sissies, the tomboys.
They are the ones who have to hear those words thrown at them everyday.
They have to struggle, push, surpass, ignore, forget, and build up their lives, alone and against all odds.
They are my heroes.
They are the ones who, if they were in my place when someone said “Thank God you’re not like them!”, would smile and say “If only everyone had the guts to be like them!”
ohmyhappiness 
Ahmed Awadalla
February 6, 2012
Well said, thank you!
Andrew
February 6, 2012
Preach.
thoroughly modern milli vanilli
February 6, 2012
I definitely agree, and applaud you for writing this! However, folks all along the queerness spectrum (even the 100% straight) can fuck with gender–and should.
-Dani
Raja
February 7, 2012
Modern Milli Vanilli, I completely agree! Let’s all play around with gender and drop these bullshit societal rules.
wohdin
February 11, 2012
could have done without the sensationalist title, but totally agree with the body. even if some acts of flamboyance make me, a gay man, uncomfortable (though loud personalities in general make me uncomfortable, so it’s not just the “we’re here, we’re queer” stuff), I still fully support them and their rights to equality and fair treatment no less than any other person’s.
Andrea M Cusumano
February 11, 2012
I’m a straight woman. I absolutely agree with what you’re saying. I mean really, who gives a crap what you look like or what “gender” you act like. I’m afraid it’ll be a LONG time before the rest of humanity realizes we’re just that. We’re all humans. All made of the same stuff.
Kim
February 11, 2012
This is wonderful!
Christofer Nyman
February 18, 2012
There are insulted if they do, deception of the people and make cruelty to animals also.
christian
February 24, 2012
i live in a country that never accepts the likes of us , they really speak mean things about gays , and they belittle them ALL the time , i wish i could speak out , to stand up for us all , but i really can’t , the community i live in , never accepts gays , even my close friends talk shitty things about gays , and how would they never be friends with ” gay people ” as if gay people were rubbish or something , i really salute you for your opinions and i totally agree with you ! keep up the good work ❤