I have a horrifying fear of heights. My heart races, I get short of breath, and I’m always within seconds of fainting. I avoid balconies, towers, rooftop bars, and a million other wonderful places.
This fear doesn’t sit so well with one of my passions: Skiing. I am not into many sports, but skiing, I adore. I have been on the slopes since I was 3 and I escape to the mountains every time work, weather, and play permit. I am actually currently in the Alps, for (a bit of) work and (lots of) skiing.
Of course, the ski lifts are a total nightmare for me. If you’ve ever been skiing with me, you notice a complete transformation instantly. I stop talking, I freeze, I spend most of the time holding my breath, closing my eyes, and counting down to the top of the hill. I’m also completely confused as why other people don’t feel the same exact way.
I try my best to not let this phobia get in my way. I haven’t stopped skiing, even though my phobia seems to get worse every year.
The thing that keeps me going is the realization that this phobia is completely irrational.
It’s a stupid phobia. It’s a completely irrational phobia. It’s a real handicap.
But then again, all phobias are stupid, irrational, and a handicap.
Perfect example: homophobia (you knew I was going there. I know! I’ve become predictable!).
Talk about stupidity, irrationality, and a handicap.
I have tried, time and again, to understand where homophobes are coming from. I swear to you I have. I think understanding your enemy is the best way to make him or her your friend.
I can’t. I really can’t. Every argument a homophobe gives is completely irrational. According to most homophobes, us gays are out to destroy just about everything: religion, social fabrics, marriage, children, and so on.
Completely irrational.
If I had the power to destroy just about everything, don’t you think I would start with the homophobes.
But I don’t.
Maybe I’m not gay enough? Or maybe I haven’t figured out how to activate my powers?
The thing is, we all have phobias, and that’s completely fine, most of the time. If your phobia only affects you, and you are aware of its irrationality, then, at most, it affects your life, and only your life, hopefully to a limited extent.
It starts becoming a problem (a very serious one) when you use your (completely irrational) phobia against others, and when you don’t even question where it might come from.
Your phobia becomes dangerous when you use it to justify hate and violence and bullying and fear and mocking and prejudice and bigotry and conservatism and
Any belief that is based on phobias deserves to be tossed right out of the window.
OK! Enough with blogging. I have a ski lift waiting for me, and maybe, just maybe, if I can survive these (ridiculously scary) lifts, a few homophobes might realize that their phobia is something they can get beyond.
ohmyhappiness 
Josiah Gagosian
March 7, 2012
Hope you’ve enjoyed the skiing.
I just finished a blog recently on race and sexuality here in New Orleans…thought you might wanna take a look. :
http://hijodegagos.blogspot.com/2012/03/race-and-sexuality-karmic-debt-big.html
abdel (@abdelxyz)
March 13, 2012
homophobia is not entirley irrational – for example if you believe homosexuality to be unnatural (forget the debate about whether it is or not as i’m referring to people’s positions on the matter) then it’s pretty rational to dislike it, and to not dislike it would be irrational.
the term ‘homophobia’ itself is quite tame and doesn’t describe the hatred that we understand that word to contain. looking at a definition of ‘phobia’ on google brings up: “an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something”. i’ve always understood phobia as exactly that – a fear or concern about something and the term ‘homophobia’ doesn’t adequately define the hatred part. but i guess we all understand what homophobia is in everyday use anyway, so ignore me!
nice post by the way!
ohmyhappiness
March 13, 2012
the debate here becomes: is it irrational to think of homosexuality as unnatural.
Josiah Gagosian
March 13, 2012
I would venture to say that Fear itself is frequently irrational, or at least it tends to make people think and behave in a manner that is not rational.
People who believe homosexuality is unnatural usually base their belief in some sort of cultural or religious concept of what is and is not “natural.” While their fear might be contextually rational, based on their inculcation into a particular belief paradigm, it is definitely illogical in that it is an unfounded appeal to the reasoning of a higher authority. (Church, Government, etc.) Their very notion of “natural” is usually undefined, vague, overly emotional, and adapted to fit their own particular moral code and lifestyle.
As Quentin Crisp said, “I take it to be axiomatic that people are revolted by witnessing the shameless gratification of an appetite they do not share.”
What I think it really amounts to is people trying to justify their demonization and hatred of the “other” by couching it in the language of reasonable and civilized discourse. “It’s against the laws of nature,” sounds much more reasoned and thought out than “Holy shit that’s fucking disgusting, you should be dragged into the street and decapitated,” although the sentiments underlying both statements are usually the same. What is truly “rational” is leaving people to live their own lives in their own way, peacefully and without judgment. Condemning anyone for consensual behavior that does no harm to anyone is definitely irrational.
ohmyhappiness
March 14, 2012
Amen!
Nadine Moawad (@nmoawad)
March 16, 2012
I’ve always thought “homophobia” or what it was set out to mean was badly coined. Recognized systems usually get -isms & the systematic oppression and marginalization of queers is not a phobia, it’s an -ism.