A few days ago, I fell upon a history of the LGBT movement in Lebanon written by a member of Helem. I have learned to take everything that comes out of Helem members with a grain of salt, but I was baffled by some of the inaccuracies I found in there, or rather, how much the truth can be twisted to make Helem seem like the only champion of gay rights in Lebanon.
So I jumped right in to my old emails and took a trip back to the early days of the gay rights movement in Lebanon (so far, Helem and most other people ignore anything that existed before the formation of the GayLebanon group in the late 1990s. I have a hard time believing that nothing existed before that!). I hope to eventually work on putting together a more accurate history of the movement in Lebanon, but I think that will take tons and tons of time and research.
Meanwhile though, I found a few amazing items that should be shared, and I will do so over the next few weeks.
I’ve picked “Initial Thoughts” by the Fantastic Homosexual as the first one. I know this is probably not the best choice to start with, given the history of it, but that’s fine. I’ve survived the first onslaught of attacks that came as a result of it. I’ll survive this one.
Originally published on September 20, 2009, by the incredible people at Meem (which, unlike what the history referred to earlier claims, did not branch off from Helem, but rather was partly created as a reaction to the way women were treated within Helem) on their groundbreaking Bekhsoos blog, this article by a man calling himself The Fantastic Homosexual created an uproar in the community, mostly criticizing the fact that The Fantastic Homosexual criticized the almighty Helem.
It is historically important because it is the first time that someone within the community publicly expresses anger and frustrations at every level. It highlights the depth of the problems facing the gay community, and the lack of existing support.
While the author remains unknown, many people accused me of being the author, and this was the final breaking point between me and Helem, who launched a campaign against me as a result of it. Many members of Helem today pretend they don’t know me in public as a result of this very article.
I feel that the person who wrote it does not matter at all. I agree with everything that is said in it, my only criticism being that it provides problems, but not solutions. It should have been used as a platform to reach out to the community. Unfortunately, Helem has never been interested in that.
Read it! It really highlights the frustrations that we gays go through in Lebanon. I’d love to hear what you think about it.
Initial Thoughts
by the Fantastic Homosexual
Fuck this shit. Fuck homophobes and their fucked up insecurities. Fuck coming out. Fuck “I don’t know how to tell you this” and sleepless nights trying to get the balls to say two fucking words. Fuck having to feel guilt for years about who’s in your bed, backseat of your car, nightclub toilet stall, or parent’s chalet. Fuck friends who use you as their token gay friends, and bullshit sentences like “My really good friend is gay!” Fuck you, your homophobia, and your really good friend. Fuck Facebook statuses that flaunt your sexuality. Actually, fuck Facebook altogether. Fuck fag hags. Get yourself a boyfriend already. Fuck LGBTIQ groups that don’t even know what the fuck these letters stand for. Fuck “we’re the first gay group in the Middle East” bullshit. Fuck HIV, AIDS, infectious diseases and all the damn viruses that associate being gay with the death penalty. Fuck Acid, Milk, Bardo, Wolf, Life Bar, and all those fucking gay ghettoes. You’re pushing us deeper in the closet. Fuck gay friendly places. Gay friendly my ass. If you have to label it that, you’re getting in the way of a gay friendly planet with your ghettoes and isolation bullshit. Fuck Article 534, the police and their violating batons and late night rapes. Fuck gay activists in Lebanon. What the fuck have we done in the past 10 years? Fuck spending our money on your stupid activities that reach out to 16 people from your yellow house. Get in touch with the real world you incestuous idiots. Fuck parents who are so stuck in their fucked up mindset that they throw out their own fucking flesh and blood. Fuck parents who send their kids to therapy for being gay. Fuck the therapists who think they can change us. Fuck the bullies in school who beat us up just after having jerked us off under the desk. Fuck the priests and sheikhs who spread their hate hidden behind their own fucked-up interpretation of some book. Fuck the politicians who are too scared to voice their thoughts on homosexuality, but who have no problems getting sucked off by us. Fuck brothers and sisters who blackmail their gay brothers and sisters to get whatever the fuck they want. Fuck Lebanese movies with ridiculously gay subplots. We’re not a fucking fad that you can use to make you seem progressive. And while you’re at it, fuck cheap knock offs of the “Fuck You” scene of 25th Hour. Fuck newspapers and magazines that feature gay stories to make more money. We’re not your fucking cash cows. Fuck TV shows with sensationalist closet case hosts that would do anything for fucking ratings. Fuck the closet. It is lonely, dark, and fucking hot. Get the fuck out of there. Fuck misogynistic fags. Fuck men hating dykes. Fuck trying to blame our homosexuality on our parents, our education, the war, the West, Israel, our looks, our need for attention, our popularity, our fucking issues. We’re gay. Learn to fucking deal with it. Fuck you for being shocked while reading this. It’s the fucking truth. It’s about time someone said it. Get over your self-conscious conservative hypocrisy and join the real fucking world!
(This is the link to the original post on the Bekhsoos blog)
ohmyhappiness 
sam
March 21, 2012
WOW…. this is one fucking rant…!
1. point: author is frustrated, and he has a right to rant.
2. question: how does this rant highlight the beginning of the gay movement before HELEM?
3. curious: how do you (the poster of this message) address the following:
– “took a trip back to the early days of the gay rights movement in Lebanon”
(how does the rant address gay rights movement in Lebanon)
– “I was baffled by some of the inaccuracies I found in there, or rather, how much the truth can be twisted to make Helem seem like the only champion of gay rights in Lebanon.”
(such as?)
– “It is historically important because it is the first time that someone within the community publicly expresses anger and frustrations at every level […] while the author remains unknown”
(publicly, yet remains unknown??? to whom did he publicly express his anger)
– “my only criticism being that it provides problems, but not solutions. It should have been used as a platform to reach out to the community. Unfortunately, Helem has never been interested in that.
(you agree that the article provides problems, but not solutions – what would have been some solutions??? any thoughts)
ohmyhappiness
March 21, 2012
Hey Sam!
You have quite a few questions, so here we go:
– This specific post does not highlight the beginning of the gay movement before Helem. It’s not meant to. I mentioned that I am now knee-deep in LGBT history in Lebanon, and I’m finding interesting things that I’ll be posting here as we go along.
– The author’s identity is not important. He voiced frustrations on a public forum.
– The solutions are about reaching out to the community I think. I’ll be posting something else in a bit that gives a solution.
Thanks for reading.
mcharafeddin
March 21, 2012
“Meem (which, unlike what the history referred to earlier claims, did not branch off from Helem, but rather was partly created as a reaction to the way women were treated within Helem)”
This is a myth, in this article there’s a try to degrade Helem work not to research the real history of LGBT activism in Lebanon.
Helem created “Helem Girls” and it was a “hidden” group, no one knew any of its members because its coordinator said it’s much better for the sake of women that time, then they disappeared, no one in Helem knew what happened, and no one bashed or mistreated any of “Helem Girls” members because they didn’t know any, and a quick reminder: Helem had women members and they didn’t all leave. However, I am not neglecting Meem achievements in the LBQ community but we all know that they are a support group, they do not work on advocacy..
The ex-coordinator of Meem is now trying to degrade the work that Meem is doing, do we ask ourselves why?!!
Yes, there was GayLebanon group then Club Free, then Houryat Khassa tried to do something, but the first to come out in public is Helem.
You should go and check Helem archive since you left Helem and its achievements rather than throwing your grudge!! Deal with it!
ohmyhappiness
March 21, 2012
You should check your facts.
Before Helem ever came out there was a group that branched off of GayLebanon/Clubfree called OutLebanon. They were the first to be out publicly. Not Helem.
I am not trying to get a fight going between Meem and Helem or to rehash problems of the past.
My objection is in Helem deciding that it is the only one to work on LGBT issues in Lebanon. The history that was written by one of your members is focused solely on Helem. That’s wrong.
And Helem Girls did disappear yes. It did not however branch off into Meem. Helem cannot take credit for the creation of Meem.
And yes, my dislike of Helem is not a secret at all.
mcharafeddin
March 21, 2012
Your hate to Helem is a personal issue! Can you tell me about the work that helem has done since 2005 with the government and the police ? can you tell me why helem was chosen as a case study for its work by the world health organization ? did you know that marsa the only sexual health center was a result of helem work? do you know how many people were assisted socially and psychologically by helem? did you know the risk that helem took by out on local and regional TV station and the positive impact it had? No you do not, all you care about is your personal gain. Helem did not do enough in your eyes, well helem did its best at least show some appreciation to that little thing that was done. but it is not about helem or the gay community , it is about your personal issues with older members of helem, that i do not really care about. As for outlebanon, please show me some public and media appearances of the group and i will make sure to send an email to writer of the “history of LGBT movement” (which is something you could have done instead of the public campaign) and make him correct his facts. Dear Raja neither you or the person you are trying to attack in this article are active members of helem, Helem and Meem are collaborating together, please leave us new members out of this dynamic, send an email to whoever you hate and deal with it together.
ohmyhappiness
March 21, 2012
You are defending yourself against accusations I haven’t made. I haven’t said a thing about Helem’s work today, and I don’t claim to know what you’re up to today.
My issue is with Helem rewriting history in their favor. I keep saying that. The only purpose to these posts is to highlight some accomplishment that have been ignored by Helem.
I wonder why criticism of Helem is always met with anger. That’s something that clearly hasn’t changed over the years.
I did not contact the author of the post for 2 reasons:
1. He is, unfortunately, a public figure that represents Helem everywhere, whether I, you or anyone else likes it. His posts therefore have a public reach. If they contain inaccuracies, those inaccuracies should be stated publicly and challenged accordingly.
2. As mentioned in the post above, the author of the post decided I was the one who wrote the Initial Thoughts piece, and his reaction was to block me in every way. As he cut off communication, a public forum is appropriate for discussing things that relate to the general LGBT community in Lebanon.
Finally, I’d add that, while I dislike Helem, I have never claimed that they haven’t accomplished great things, today and in the past.
ohmyhappiness
March 21, 2012
Sorry, I forgot to answer your comment about OutLebanon. Your statement ignores the situation on the ground when OutLebanon was created. There was no media coverage of LGBT issues at all. Helem is definitely the group to thank for getting the media to talk (positively) about LGBT issues. But just because the media did not cover it does not mean that it did not exist. You can ask any of the people around back then about OutLebanon.
You should also know that I was staunchly against OutLebanon when it was created. It doesn’t change the fact that it was the first.
mcharafeddin
March 21, 2012
Great!
I am just curious to know what is OutLebanon! because i have not heard about it. so you are accusing the writer of the history of LGBT movement of innacuracy based on 2 details, that he did not mention outlebanon ( which most probably like many people never heard about) and the fact that he said that meem was helem girls , which i know many people including nadine dont deny it ! a- that does not make his article innacurate b- he did not deny the work of meem and bekhsous that he mentionned as milestones c- that does not deny that the achievements of helem he mentionned are true. which brings back to the fact that this is a personal issue with the person who you said “cut you off” 🙂 anyway i think we agree about the achievement of helem and meem which are amazing let us congratulate the community for these achievements and move forward beyond personal issues, have a great day.
ohmyhappiness
March 21, 2012
There are many inaccuracies and omissions. The ones you mention are just a few. There’s also anything before GayLebanon, there’s Helem Canada, there’s the 2006 war, there’s the entire problem with Trans people, there’s the problem with women, there’s the art exhibit at the coffee house in front of LAU, there’s the first resource center in mar mikhael, there’s hurriyat khassa…. And that’s just what I can think of right now.
I’ve stated it clearly: the point of this is to show people that there is so much more than what the original post claims, and it’s not all about Helem. There are also serious failures and problems within Helem that should be discussed if we are to learn from our mistakes.
I have to admit that I am happy to see a new, young and dynamic group of activists within Helem. At best, these posts would help question things that we think are true and would encourage Helem to seek out criticism and reach out to the community.
And as much as you may think this is a personal issue between me and the author of the “history”, rest assured that getting a fair and true account of our history is much more important that disagreements with said person. (you can also check to see that he had nothing to do with me leaving Helem and my departure was actually mostly linked to another member. But that’s personal issues not worthy of discussing on a public forum.)
Thank you for the discussion. I think it’s important, and I sincerely encourage you to correct me if anything I post is inaccurate.
I’m trying to dig up info on OutLebanon. I’ll post whatever I can find (if anything) on here.
Have a great day
mcharafeddin
March 21, 2012
Moreover, the issue of Meem and Helem is in the past, the relation between the 2 organization/group is great now especially with the new coordinators.
It seems that you have personal issues with one of Helem members, I suggest you deal with this issue instead of trying to make people hate Helem.
sam
March 21, 2012
I would like to say something…and my apologies in advance to both of the above gentlemen:
1. I am a 42 year old Lebanese man who has never been to Lebanon, yet am extremely proud of the LGBTQ work being done there. I find that activism in Lebanon is among the first of its kind (at least on a worldwide public level) – and I do give HELEM its dues for the work it does as well as the recognition it has brought to the plight of LGBTQ people…
2. I understand and appreciate the case being made with regards to highlighting the courage of others pre-HELEM to make a difference and stand out against oppression…that was the reason for my curiosity and questioning.
3. I truly was not able to read and follow the above responses/bickering simply because they were tiring and more confrontational than informative. I clearly respect the anger and hurt in the words of “ohhappy” and i get the defense and pride in “charafeddine”. BUt really?
4. In the past couple of years, I have had to deal with hurt, pain, frustration, suicidal thoughts, and more from young Lebanese and Arab men and women between the ages of 18-25 who are in Montreal, Canada (of all places) but who live their lives as if in the Middle East and North Africa. I direct their attention to HELEM and MEEM and MEDIA MONITOR and others who are making a significant and urgent change in the closed mindsets of our cultures – and say…”it will get better”…heroes are there trying to make a contribution.
5. Those of us in the diaspora are as connected to our geographies, cultural mores, and traditions as those who still live in the homelands. Even though Montreal is one of the more open societies, with all its protective laws for minorities and LGBTQ+, people from our cultures and background are closeted, scared, lonely, and so on. We can run (away from our lands for a better life), but we can’t run away from who we are..
6. So, my question to both of you (and anyone who is brave to assume responsibility):
HOW is what is going on in this dialog making a contribution? Do we need more put downs from within in order to make positive change? Can change be brought about by accusations? Can we bring about change from outside a government, a board of administrators, a group?
We all understand hate and anger and backstabbing, and more – but really?
ohmyhappiness
March 21, 2012
Exchanging ideas, thoughts, anger, objections, and disagreements is always healthy, as long as it stats respectful, which I think this exchange did.
Raynbow Media Monitor
March 22, 2012
That was such decent discussion. Respect for both for being able to control your anger more than an average Lebanese would when carrying such an emotionally charged discussion.
lebanesephallus
March 22, 2012
This is darn fucking! One Helem guy..i think his family name was Azzi, I heard him judging a guy being in the closet just because he refused to engage in any fucking “gay” talk with him at my work place!…that guy who was judged happened to be me! And yes Azzi was with a girlfriend of his and both agreed about the judgement! Made me feel shit, uncomfortable and wrong!