This is an actual conversation I’ve had with a man on Grindr. I seem to spend most of my time on there trying to talk sense into horny boys. Maybe I’m wasting my time?
Profile: “I’m straight-acting. UB2. Absolutely no fems and no bottoms.”
H: Top or bottom
M: You’ve already told me you don’t want a bottom…
M: Your profile says “no bottoms”
H: lol. Azdeh no feminine.
M: well, I’m not sure what that means.
H: are you feminine?
M: I don’t know. What does that mean?
H: inno are you straight-acting?
M: Certainly not! I hope you’re not either.
H: manly here.
M: again, I don’t know what that means.
H: Hi! (2 weeks later)
M: I’m good. You?
M: Still straight acting?
H: lol. Yea
M: Then sex with another man is out of the question?
H: Shou asdak?
M: straight men don’t have sex with other men.
H: lol. Azdeh inno I don’t want a mara khalsa in bed.
M: What do you want in bed?
H: A real man.
M: I’ve got a penis.
H: so you want to meet? (15 minutes later)
M: for what?
H: whatever. Oral. Anal. I’m soooooo horny.
M: How do I know if I’m manly enough for you?
H: akid you’re feminine. Khallas. Good luck.
H: Hi! (3 days later)
H: badak tneek?
M: top or bottom?
H: Ana top! Inta?
M: You’re a top and you’re not looking for a bottom? How does that work?
H: You are very complicated.
M: I’ll take that as a compliment.
H: tayeb you want to fuck or not?
M: I fuck you or you fuck me?
H: come over and we will decide.
M: I don’t fit your profile requirements.
H: you’re feminine?
M: what if I am?
H: I am gay. Yaaneh I like men. I don’t want a woman.
M: I am not a woman.
H: lol. Good.
M: But what if I’m feminine.
H: Ktir horny! (the next day! I swear! You can’t make this shit up!)
H: what are you looking for?
M: If only I knew my life would be simpler.
H: you have another pic?
M: My profile picture is clear enough.
H: body pic?
M: nope. Sorry.
H: tab describe it.
M: what do you want to know?
H: are you cut?
M: body or cock?
H: lol. How can body be cut? U r crazy!
M: I’m cut.
H: good. Slim?
M: My cock?
H: ur body.
M: I have a small belly.
M: my cock?
H: your belly
H: top or bottom?
H: top here. Manly.
M: So you want me to bottom?
M: But you said no bottoms.
H: you are crazy.
M: I’m the crazy one?
M: So what is your problem with feminine guys?
H: No prob. I don’t like them.
M: If you don’t like them, then you must have a problem with them.
H: inno be a man. If you are gay it does not mean you are woman.
M: being feminine is being a woman?
H: yes. You are a man. Act like a man, walk like a man. Talk like a man. Why some gay boys talk like they are woman?
M: who cares? If they’re happy like that, then what is the problem?
H: tfeh. They are bad for the gay people.
M: I think you’re “bad for the gay people”.
H: Me? I am very straight acting.
M: When was the last time you saw a straight man sucking cock? If you suck cock, then you’re gay acting.
H: are you from helem club?
H: then why you are being like this?
M: being like what?
H: you want to meet or not?
H: shou? Inno you’re too good? You don’t meet?
M: I don’t meet with homophobes.
H: hahaha you are crazy. Man ana gay! How can I be a homophobic?
M: you hate feminine gay men.
H: they are women, not men.
M: Thank you for driving the point home.
H: shou yaaneh?
M: never mind.
H: ok bye!