Posted on July 26, 2012


This is an actual conversation I’ve had with a man on Grindr. I seem to spend most of my time on there trying to talk sense into horny boys. Maybe I’m wasting my time?


Profile: “I’m straight-acting. UB2. Absolutely no fems and no bottoms.”

Him: Hi

Me: Hello!

H: Top or bottom

M: You’ve already told me you don’t want a bottom…

H: ?

M: Your profile says “no bottoms”

H: lol. Azdeh no feminine.

M: well, I’m not sure what that means.

H: are you feminine?

M: I don’t know. What does that mean?

H: inno are you straight-acting?

M: Certainly not! I hope you’re not either.

H: manly here.

M: again, I don’t know what that means.

H: Bye

H: Hi! (2 weeks later)

M: Hi!

H: hru?

M: I’m good. You?

H: Horny.

M: Still straight acting?

H: lol. Yea

M: Then sex with another man is out of the question?

H: Shou asdak?

M: straight men don’t have sex with other men.

H: lol. Azdeh inno I don’t want a mara khalsa in bed.

M: What do you want in bed?

H: A real man.

M: I’ve got a penis.

H: hahahahaha

H: so you want to meet? (15 minutes later)

M: for what?

H: whatever. Oral. Anal. I’m soooooo horny.

M: How do I know if I’m manly enough for you?

H: akid you’re feminine. Khallas. Good luck.

H: Hi! (3 days later)

M: Hello!

H: badak tneek?

M: top or bottom?

H: Ana top! Inta?

M: You’re a top and you’re not looking for a bottom? How does that work?

H: You are very complicated.

M: I’ll take that as a compliment.

H: tayeb you want to fuck or not?

M: I fuck you or you fuck me?

H: come over and we will decide.

M: I don’t fit your profile requirements.

H: you’re feminine?

M: what if I am?

H: I am gay. Yaaneh I like men. I don’t want a woman.

M: I am not a woman.

H: lol. Good.

M: But what if I’m feminine.

H: Bye.

H: Ktir horny! (the next day! I swear! You can’t make this shit up!)

M: fantastic

H: what are you looking for?

M: If only I knew my life would be simpler.

H: you have another pic?

M: My profile picture is clear enough.

H: body pic?

M: nope. Sorry.

H: tab describe it.

M: what do you want to know?

H: are you cut?

M: body or cock?

H: lol. How can body be cut? U r crazy!

M: I’m cut.

H: good. Slim?

M: My cock?

H: ur body.

M: I have a small belly.

H: small?

M: my cock?

H: your belly

M: yes.

H: top or bottom?

M: versatile

H: top here. Manly.

M: So you want me to bottom?

H: Yes.

M: But you said no bottoms.

H: you are crazy.

M: I’m the crazy one?

H: lol.

M: So what is your problem with feminine guys?

H: No prob. I don’t like them.

M: If you don’t like them, then you must have a problem with them.

H: inno be a man. If you are gay it does not mean you are woman.

M: being feminine is being a woman?

H: yes. You are a man. Act like a man, walk like a man. Talk like a man. Why some gay boys talk like they are woman?

M: who cares? If they’re happy like that, then what is the problem?

H: tfeh. They are bad for the gay people.

M: I think you’re “bad for the gay people”.

H: Me? I am very straight acting.

M: When was the last time you saw a straight man sucking cock? If you suck cock, then you’re gay acting.

H: are you from helem club?

M: nope.

H: then why you are being like this?

M: being like what?

H: khallas!

M: OK!

H: you want to meet or not?

M: Seriously?

H: shou? Inno you’re too good? You don’t meet?

M: I don’t meet with homophobes.

H: hahaha you are crazy. Man ana gay! How can I be a homophobic?

M: you hate feminine gay men.

H: they are women, not men.

M: Thank you for driving the point home.

H: shou yaaneh?

M: never mind.

H: ok bye!

M: bye!