On an October evening in a small town, Matthew was in a bar, when he met two men, Aaron and Russell, who pretended they were gay. Matthew, who was gay himself, asked them for a ride back home. They accepted, but instead, they drove him to a remote, rural area, and proceeded to rob him, beat him with a handgun, and torture him. They tied him to a fence while he pleaded for his life, and then drove off, leaving him to die. 18 hours later, Matthew was discovered, still alive, but in a coma. His face was completely covered in blood, except where it had been partially washed clean by his tears. Matthew was rushed to the hospital: he had suffered fractures on the back of his head and in front of his right ear. He experienced severe brainstem damage and there were numerous lacerations around his head, face, and neck. Doctors deemed his injuries too severe to operate.
Six days later, Matthew died. He was 21 years old. And gay in Russia America.
***
I visited America for two weeks in 2010. As a gay man, I wanted to understand the harsh realities of being gay in one of the most powerful countries in the world. At the time, there were reports of teenagers committing suicide regularly because they were gay or believed to be gay by their peers.
I wanted to know what the schools were doing to protect these kids. The answer was simple: nothing. In many places in America, schools are actually legally forbidden from providing gay kids with the support they need to be empowered enough to accept their sexuality and deal with bullying. Arizona, for example, actually has a law that prohibits portraying homosexuality as a positive lifestyle and it is illegal to even suggest to children that there are safe methods of homosexual sex. In Texas and Alabama, children are taught that homosexuality is “not a lifestyle acceptable to the general public.” Utah, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma, and South Carolina all have laws that greatly limit speech about homosexuality.
Such laws are not surprising, given that, up until as recently as 2003, many states in America had laws that made homosexuality completely illegal. That is, people could be arrested for engaging in consensual adult same-sex sex. A law, commonly known as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, made it illegal for people serving in America’s military (the most powerful military in the world) to actually discuss their homosexuality in any way. If at any point their sexuality would be revealed, they would be discharged because their presence “would create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability.”
America’s homophobia is heavily linked to its very close relationship to fundamental Christian beliefs. Although the US constitution clearly separates church and state, religious leaders and thoughts heavily influence every aspect of its laws and of society’s moral decision making. Some American televangelists have collaborated with partners in Uganda to create the infamous “Kill the gays” bill.
The homophobia is also part of TV culture. A few months ago, Phil Robertson, a star on a hugely popular TV show, compared being gay to bestiality. The TV station suspended him from the show for 1 week. The backlash to the suspension was immense. Online campaigns demanded that the TV station apologize, claiming Robertson had done nothing wrong. A slew of supporters came out and defended Robertson. A week later, he was back on his show, one of the mostly popular shows in network history, with over 11 million viewers. He continues to use his show as a soapbox for his religious beliefs and political conservatism.
President Obama, while busy sending drones to kill innocent people throughout the world, has made several campaign promises intended to create equal rights for LGBT individuals, but all of these have turned out to be little more than means of winning an election. Ironically, Hillary Clinton, then Secretary of State, made a speech at the UN in 2011 about LGBT, accusing the world of not offering equal rights to LGBT citizens, all the while being fully aware that equal rights were not available to LGBT individuals in her own country. Americans seem quick to criticize the actions of other countries, most notably Russia, yet are completely oblivious to the injustices faced by LGBT individuals in their own country. America is often presented as a bastion for freedoms, though in reality, freedoms do not apply to sexual minorities.
Looking at America from outside, it is clear that it is not a place where a gay man or woman can feel safe. With brutal murders, rampant suicides, hateful leaders, and homophobic TV shows, it is clear that America, the self-proclaimed defender of equal rights, needs to stop looking at the faults of others, and focus on its own (gigantic) flaws.
***
Good luck in Sochi everybody!
ohmyhappiness 
Aabdo
February 11, 2014
raja i like u mother fucker!
ohmyhappiness
February 11, 2014
🙂 Thank you, I guess.
Tony
February 11, 2014
Sorry man, but you are way off and you paint a very distorted/skewed/biased picture of life in America. I can go on and on about all the positives and the laws which we have in the USA that legally protect gays and lesbians but I do not have enough time to write a blog.. but you should do so, instead of painting a flawed picture comparing the USA to Russia. While homophobia exists in the USA and one one can find similarities in the treatments of gays in every corner of this world, we are light years ahead of Russia and many other countries in this world. Take this from a Lebanese/American, gay married man(to another man). We are living an open life with our adoptive kids . My husband and kids are accepted by our neighbors/community in our small suburban town, we attend church( I am a deacon) with our family, openly without prejudice.The laws in our state protect us in every way same as all other citizens. We could never have the same life in Russia or the middle east or Africa to name a few places.. . Yes, we are blessed and we are thankful since we realize that our world is very different from yours.Yet, we know our Country is not perfect. But we pray that the rest of the Country and world can join us in living equally someday without prejudices.
ohmyhappiness
February 11, 2014
I’m glad you realize that the point of this article was to be biased. The coverage of LGBT lives in Russia has been extremely biased, and the point of this article was to show how easy it was to paint a bleak picture of a country, based entirely on facts. Also, I know married gays living with adopted kids in Beirut.
Tony
February 11, 2014
Sorry again, but you are wrong as many educated people here have also realized the same. There’s no recovery to your inaccurate and poorly written ,misleading article other than accountability. Russian governmental laws are blatantly written to go against anything that is gay, this is evident. Please see : ” Russia’s gay propaganda law”
The Russian government sent this message to the world without any need to sugarcoat it… In respect to gays living in Beirut with adopted children, that’s a bit of a stretch to the truth as we know that Lebanese law does not recognize their marriage to another man and that their kids are not legally recognized as their own legal kids.There are no laws or legal protections that treat gays as equals in Lebanon. Lets not even get into how Lebanese society as a whole culturally treats gays.. I am not here to bash you.. but do yourself a favor and please stop while your ahead.
ohmyhappiness
February 11, 2014
Haha! Thanks Tony for not bashing me! Maybe you might want to check out the “Don’t Say Gay” bill in tennessee, or the laws against discussing gay issues with children (practically exactly the same as the one for Russia) in numerous states.
Believe it or not, Russia did not send a message to the world. That’s like saying that the US sent a message to the world when the Olympics were held in Utah right after the mormon church had just donated millions to overturning Proposition 8.
I’m glad you’re able to live with your husband and your kids, and I wish more people around the world could share that right. But you would be a fool to think that everyone in the US is able to enjoy that right, when you know very well that that is not the case.
I’ll quit now that I’m ahead.
Tim
February 11, 2014
This entire post is way off the mark and reeks of lazy anti-Americanism. You start with an event from 1998 and the omit the huge political changes that happened in America after, you fail to mention the layers and layers and layers of protection that many (I would argue a majority) of homosexuals enjoy — city state and federal. You go on to mention a slew of issues that have been dealt with in public and yes imperfect ways, particularly the suicide epidemic. Why talk about Pat Robertson and not Ellen or Anderson cooper or Tim cook? The simple fact is, much has changed and it is still changing. Almost every issue you mentioned has been dealt with since your visit to America.
On the other hand, Russia passed a law restricting a right ensured by the Olympic charter just before a huge international reporting event (which, since it is the comparatively boring Winter Olympics, means they are all grasping at straws for things to report on). They deserve every iota of coverage they get just as we do. But don’t mistake America’s loud, ugly debate for reppression. You can’t even have the debate in Russia.
“I visited America for two weeks in 2010” — exactly. Go back. Try again. It is no Russia.
Tim
February 11, 2014
repression* — still cant type on an i-screen
ohmyhappiness
February 11, 2014
Hey Tim! That was exactly the point. Every single article I’ve read about Russia reeks of lazy anti-Russo propaganda. It is easy to paint a bleak picture if you’re biased, and the coverage of LGBT issues in Russia has made it a point to avoid the subtleties of being gay there. There are many openly gay celebrities, families, and supporters living in Russia. I would also remind you that the last time the Olympics were in the US, it was in Utah, when the Mormon church had just made a great deal out of Proposition 8. (Also, I know very well what life in the US as a gay man is like. I’ve lived there over 10 years. That was not the point of the article.)
Dalal Mouflette
February 11, 2014
I’ve got tremendous respect for you, Raja. This said, I admit I am disappointed by this post.
a) Judging an entire country – the size of a continent – based on a two-week stay and a few handpicked facts. Yes, some ultraconservative rural areas such as Alabama or Texas are more homophobic than others. They are not representative of a whole country, just like Dupont Circle, Washington, or the French Quarters in New Orleans are not representative of “America”. Mind you, a gay friend of mine got knifed in Charleville-Mézières, France. Because he “looked” gay. And I doubt Priscilla would go very far in Akkar.
b) Yes, there are still unjust and discriminating laws in the US. Yes, a dozen states still ban sodomy. But you forgot to mention that 17 states offer same-sex marriage. Which is good, right?
c) Which brings us to your comparison with Russia – another country the size of a continent.
I was reading an article the other day about the persecution of gay men in Nigeria. More than half the comments were not condemning the atrocities undergoing, but rather saying that European countries should abstain from criticizing because they were no better in terms of discrimination. The point was missed : condemning the bastards behind the atrocities.
I cannot but see a parallel.
You said in your last sentence that the US are not better than Russia (whose President has compared homosexuals to paedophiles and where an official has stated on national TV that gay men should be killed) and should abstain from criticizing it.
Besides the fact Uh-merica is certainly not the only country to condemn Russia, its repression, its disrespect to human rights or its racism (I’ve seen Russian Neo-Nazis march in the streets of Moscow in broad daylight while policemen were smiling at them. Just sayin’)
How about condemning all disciminations in all countries, and stop comparing what is very difficult to compare?
Affectueusement
ohmyhappiness
February 11, 2014
You said it Dalal. “Based on a two-week stay and few handpicked facts” That was exactly the point of this article. I know very well what it is like being gay in the US, given that I have lived there for over a decade. The point of this article was to criticize the way the media in the US is covering LGBT issues in Russia. It reeks of anti-Russo sentiments. You talk about repression, disrespect for human rights, and racism as if they were alien to the US, though all of these are quite prominent in the US (Chelsea Manning, Edward Snowden, most black people in New Orleans after Katrina, women and children in Afghanistan, … can all give you first hand accounts of the US’ complete lack of respect for basic human rights.)
Basically, I think discussing sexuality in any country requires an understanding of subtleties. To me, the coverage of LGBT issues in Russia by US media sounds as biased and ridiculous as this piece. That was the point.
JJ
February 12, 2014
Actually, the 2010 Winter Olympics were in Vancouver, and not Utah. So, there goes that analogy. Try again.
ohmyhappiness
February 12, 2014
But in 2002, it was in Utah, right after the glorious Prop 22 in 2000. Wrong proposition, same point.
JJ
February 12, 2014
Yes, same point, because a same-sex marriage ban is tantamount to police-sanctioned violence against LGBT individuals.
Your logic is shaky.
ohmyhappiness
February 12, 2014
The Olympics comment was in response to saying that Russia was sending a message to the world by passing a homophobic law so close to the Olympics. I was not comparing marriage to violence.
JJ
February 12, 2014
The Russian (federal) law has been passed in conjunction with acts violence committed by private citizens along with the police. Notwithstanding draconian laws on certain state books (the validity and enforceability of which is questionable), please tell me when a comparable wave of state-sanctioned violence against the U.S. LGBT community has occurred in recent memory. Hint: Matthew Shepard does not count.
Josh
February 27, 2014
How typical.
I am partially lebanese myself living in the United States and have to go through anti-americanism remarks every single time I’m in Beirut for a visit or even having a friendly conversation with a Lebanese tourist who feels like he has a perfectly clear image of my country after 10 days here spent visiting Times Square and dancing his life away in Vegas.
This article is greatly disappointing yes.
The United States is today one of the best, safest, most secure, accepting and welcoming society for all members of the LGBT society. Was it as accepting back in 1998 when Matt Shepard was brutally murdered? No. But things moved forward since. Look up the aftermath of his murder how MILLIONS of people stood up against the atrocity of the event even back then.
The LGBT movement has been going on for more then 40 years now with great GREAT leaders like Matt’s mom, Judy or Harvey Milk two decades before. Even in back in 1978 when Milk was shot dead, forty thousands gay and lesbians rioted on the street of San Francisco, burnt down police cars, destroyed the city hall, set entire streets on fire.
Do you see what I’m getting at bud? Two of us can play this game, let’s talk about events that happened 10+ years ago. Even 40 years ago people had more guts then Lebanese people will EVER HAVE. I am very well acquainted with the conditions of the lebanese gay society; a group gets humiliated and heated at a club? The club gets closed down? Noooo problem! We have this other UNDERGROUND club down town Beirut where we can all hang out. And hey let’s just stop talking about that beating in the news we don’t want any more attention drown to us. You guys are too busy gossiping about an emigrant that stripped down for a photo shoot. Or ya knawww… verbally assaulting and bashing on other countries, that are far from being perfect, but have so much more than what you will ever…ever have.
Now let’s come back to where America is today -which is the weakest point you had and what this blog entry lacks the most- shall we?!
Americans’ acceptance of gays and lesbians as equal members of society has increased steadily in the past decade to the point that MORE THEN HALF (60% or so) the population now agree that being gay is morally acceptable, that gay relations ought to be legal, and that gay or lesbian couples should have the right to legally marry. And talking about marriage; DOMA is now long gone, 18 states have struck down same-sex marriage ban since including our dearest and most beloved capital of Washington DC. And more will keep doing so as marriage becomes an apparent, obvious reality. As a matter of fact Texas just struck down its ban LAST NIGHT.
And if you think equality stops at marriage look at Arizona who LAST WEEK only voted in favor of a bill that would allow private business to refuse service to gays. In less then a week hell broke, every single gay rights group went to war with Arizona. The NFL warned of withdrawing the Super Bowl from Arizona next year. Apple warned of canceling plans of new headquarters. American Airlines, Delta, Mitt Romney, all sent warning to Arizona which led governor Jan to VETO the bill yesterday.
It becomes more and more apparent that yes you don’t mess with the gays in America. Coz it is a lost cause. You will be in disadvantage.
Yes, we are not perfect! Many many states still have little or no protection at all for the LGBT community and marriage and total equality are still not completely achieved but here’s the thing that you don’t understand buddy: WE ARE FUCKING DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Can you say the same about yourself?
Wow that’s a long comment hah.
ohmyhappiness
February 27, 2014
🙂 Good to see you so worked up about this Josh, but you completely missed the point of the entire article. It was written to show how absurd the media coverage of being gay in Russia has been, and how it completely lacks any kind of actual research.
I am fully aware of what being gay in the states is like. I lived there for over a decade. While I don’t agree that it is the haven you’re portraying, I am fully aware that being gay in America depends on where you live. Many people in Alabama or Kentucky or most of Middle America have a pretty horrible experience being gay. Others, that live in San Francisco or New York have a much better experience.
That was the point. Coverage of homosexuality in Russia did not cover any of the subtleties for example. For example, I haven’t heard anyone mentioned that the Gay Games are currently taking place in Russia.
The point of this article was to shock and piss off people, but it was meant to make them realize that it is easy to portray the “other” as backwards, which is how I feel the media has portrayed Russia (and you have portrayed Lebanon in your comment).
One last point, you’d be mistaken to think that we, as Lebanese people, are not “fucking doing something about it.” There are quite a few brave men and women that are doing impressive work towards LGBTQ issues. But you wouldn’t know that, since you’re just interested in showing how horrible and backwards we are.
Tim Fitzsimons
March 3, 2014
Gay games in Russia? Actually, big bad Western media did report on it. But it began only began a few days ago. That’s why you hadn’t seen much — not because of a anti-Russian conspiracy. Unfortunately that sort of information cherry-picking is exactly why this is such a weak post.
http://uk.reuters.com/article/2014/02/26/uk-russia-gay-games-idUKBREA1P1Q620140226
“The Russian Open games were scheduled to start on Wednesday in Moscow, but organisers were scrambling for alternatives after three venues and a hotel told them a day earlier that they would no longer be able to host the event.
…
Organisers said there were other venues that might still be used, but it was not clear whether the games would go ahead.
And then there’s this from yesterday: http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/russian-lgbt-athletes-hold-open-games-despite-official-harassment-cancellations/2014/03/02/b58ec98e-a213-11e3-84d4-e59b1709222c_story.html
“But as the games began to get underway, one venue after another canceled on them. Hotels evicted them. Restaurants suddenly were too full to accommodate them. An outdoor ice rink was closed for technical reasons when a group arrived to skate. After a smoke bomb went off at a basketball tournament Friday, organizers told athletes they could not guarantee their safety.
“In the end, we discovered some very positive things,” said Konstantin Yablotskiy, co-leader of the sports federation. “Everyone stayed. The LGBT community is not ready to stay hidden. That’s a good sign.”
…
Every event but *table tennis* had to be rearranged at the last minute, with the organizers moving around secretly, assuming their telephones were being tapped.”
Criticize the media, fine. But whether you intended to or not, this post and your comments after it have served to diminish the impact that legalizing homophobia has had in Russia. In Russia, Uganda, Nigeria, etc the current is going the wrong way, and using coverage of that as a tool to bludgeon Western media is shameful. You have had some good media criticism on this blog in the past, but on this you are wrong.
If a gay activist (like yourself) Russian were to read this, do you think s/he would say, “Right on! I was so angry at the media for covering this anti-gay law in such an imperialist way!”
I imagine he or she would ask “Why is he trivializing what we are fighting for here?”
Josh
February 28, 2014
Is it really? Is that the aim of the article?
Russia was mentioned UNO time in the whole thing, and then it was only in the context of explaining how America is self centered. America: mentioned 20+ times? 20 different negative remarks?
If the aim of that article is what you have just explained; if you actually had to do any further follow-up explanation at all, that says a lot about your journal entry.
I also just took a moment to read the other comments on here.
– I am sorry: your arguments failed to deliver.
Along with lack of factual information and consistency in logic.
Take this as instructive criticism. I just took a tour of your blog and thumbs up for what you have here! Accept criticism with grace and appreciation. You are getting good exposure. Exposure is what you need. Look at me, 10,000 miles away and reading your entry in the middle of my day after randomly typing “Lebanese American gay” into a search engine. Good luck, and I’ll try to remember to check back on you in the future.
S
July 1, 2014
Hi,
As a Lebanese-born lesbian having lived in the States for almost ten years, I’m afraid I do not quite agree with your views, especially with the statement that America is not a place where LGBT people can feel safe. The situation has been evolving, and is constantly evolving, with recent developments such as Utah legalizing same-sex marriage, and the repeal of DOMA last year. Gay people can definitely feel safer here than in other countries where we are abused, jailed, and put to death for being gay.
Sure, there are homophobic idiots everywhere, from religiously-endoctrinated street criminals to politicians and public figures, who should have on their consciences (if they had any) the suicides of LGBT teenagers.
But still, you have to view things in a relative perspective, first to time, and second, to other countries.
I look forward to read more from you,
Best.
aboud
September 30, 2014
Great post, america certainly has a dark side that is often ignored. My personal experience is that my gay life in the middle east is safer than it was in the states. I have never been victim to a hate crime in the middle east, however in America I was attacked and harassed (even by police) because of the colour of my skin, my ethnicity, religion and my sexual identity. Watch the TedTalk by Chimamanda Adichie ‘The danger of the single story’, America enjoys the power of positive single story regarding LGBT life whilst perpetuating negative ones about the developing world. I am an out, proud, muslim, arab gay man with a supportive family and an imam willing to debate morality of homosexuality (a very interesting debate actually) my story is never heard. Certainly there has to be a lot of changes to culture and law in the ME but you cannot have one without the other. My mother doesn’t sit down with her girl friends to list potential grooms for me and I doubt she ever could, but I hope my siblings can if they have homosexual children. There are as many stories as there are people on this planet, creating a biased image of the ‘other’ is detrimental to our humanity.
Veronika
July 7, 2015
Thank you for writing this article, Raja! It’s great how critical you are! It would be so interesting to re-visit this topic in the future and see if things actually changed after gay marriage was legalized in the US.