Learning About Sex, Part 2

Posted on May 18, 2015

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Part 1 is here.

I learned about gay sex by having gay sex. That may seem completely normal, but if you think about it, it’s rarely the case for most people. I had never seen a gay porn, I had never read anything about men having sex with each other, I had never even seen a man naked for me. In school, the subject of gay sex was nowhere to be seen. My parents never told me anything about it. My teachers never told me anything about it. My friends never told me anything about it. If there is one thing no one talks about at that age, it’s gay sex. Straight sex is taboo enough, but gay sex…nothing. Nothing at all.

I didn’t even know the basics. Where does the penis go? No one ever told me.

So, as you can imagine, my first sexual experience was quite boring in retrospect, given that the other boy knew nothing about sex with men either. Our imagination had not been enhanced by the joys of the penis. Rimming, snowballing, double-ended dildos, and the endless ways in which one can cum were not part of the evening.

Of course, it was awkward, but not only because we didn’t know what we were doing. It was awkward because I imagined a group of people pointing fingers at me while I was discovering this other boy’s body. Above my head, Jesus, my grandfather, my English teacher, my parents, the bus driver, the woman from the supermarket, and all of my friends were just hanging out, looking down on me, as if they didn’t know much about gay sex either. They sure seemed judgmental though. Was I doing it wrong? Should I have said a prayer before? Will these people always be part of sex? Should I introduce them to the boy?

They stuck around for the whole time, and, in my head, they were talking about it for quite some time after. “That’s disgusting!” “You’re going to hell for this!” “Next time, please keep the lights on!” My first time having sex, and it was with 20 people.

I didn’t sleep much that night. I kept asking myself if I had really just had sex. Was that it? It really wasn’t that much fun. Surely, there must be more to all of this.

It wasn’t until a few years later, when I had sex again, that I discovered the multitudes of joy and possibilities that gay sex brought. It was with D, who I’ve already talked about on here before. Because he had already had gay sex before, he taught me all about it.

And it seems like that’s the way with gay sex. Since no one wants to tells us about it, we have to learn from each other. Pass the torch, or in this case, the dildo, if you will. By having sex with each other, we do what no parent, teacher, sibling has ever done. By spreading our legs, we spread the message.

And it’s a message worth spreading.

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